TFTD: Being Gay in America

Swamp Reflections

Swamp Reflections

I doubt there is a gay man in America who doesn’t know someone affected by the challenges of addiction (especially crystal meth) and HIV infection. This HuffPost GayVoices commentary by John-Manuel Andriote is a poignant reminder of how far we have to go in creating communities where stigma and shame are rendered impotent. How far are we from a society where we truly care for one another, especially the “least among us”? Having lived in gay-friendly DC for two decades, this line struck a chord (emphasis added):

Even in 2012 it is damned hard to be a gay man in America. For all the progress we’ve made toward almost being treated as equal, there continue to be daily challenges — particularly for those of us who haven’t constructed our lives in a way to exclude others who aren’t gay.

Love and Humor in the Face of Rejection

The young man described in today’s Caroly Hax column (in the Washington Post) does sound like quite an “impressive human being.”

As his sister describes him, he clearly knows his own truth so deeply that he is able to see beyond his mother’s rejection and not be controlled by her attempts to control. Perhaps he knows well the source of her non-maternal behavior — fear? ignorance? having been rejected or hurt herself? Whatever the reason, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all find ways lovingly to stand our ground, speak truth to untruth — all with open arms and gentle humor!

I Never Knew!

So I was adding movies to my Netflix queue and one of the suggestions was, “Gay Sex in the 70s.”  After adding it, Neflix asked if I wanted to “move it to position # 1.”

I never knew they were numbered!

"Let’s start at the very beginning…"

One of the most familiar songs from “The Sound of Music” can be used to teach youngsters about the notes on the scale that get “mixed up” to make music.  “Do-Re-Mi” is catchy, fun, and easy to remember. Its opening words — “Let’s start at the very beginning…” — also have application far beyond music hour at the local elementary school.

Failing to start at the beginning can lead to all sorts of trouble. Anyone who’s ever followed a recipe, read a book, or built a house knows this intuitively. Unfortunately, failing to start at the beginning (i.e. the complete beginning) is the fundamental intellectual failure of all those who “oppose homosexuality” and thus oppose any rights, including marriage rights, that society might accord its gay and lesbian citizens. Today’s Washington Post has an article about the family-friendly-sounding National Organization for Marriage (NOM) and its apparently likable and talented executive director, Brian Brown (who, by the way, is a devotee of Mass in Latin). As the Post reports, NOM is good at providing its supporters information and talking points that “support” heterosexual marriage, saying that they should avoid speaking about “banning same-sex marriage,” and that they should only speak positively about how heterosexual marriage is the way it’s always been, and that this is what’s best for families, and that there’s no reason to change.

Mr. Brown is presented in the Post article as a well-educated and intelligent man (though, he does seem to be ignorant of much of history, with such statements as, “‘I think it’s irrational that up until 10 years ago, all of these societies agreed with my position” on same-sex marriage,”). Despite such historically sweeping and inaccurate statements, Mr. Brown and those who share his view have the intellectual part of this discussion only half right. The “half right” part is that they do “start at the very beginning” when addressing the lived experience of most of the world’s inhabitants who are heterosexual.  All of NOM’s arguments that support marriage for straight men and women — individuals whom God created with an opposite-sex attraction, and all the hormones and urges that come with it — are perfectly valid for those who are straight.

Their intellectual shortcoming is that they fail to recognize that for those whom God has created gay (and, being an apparently good Catholic, I’m sure Mr. Brown wouldn’t suggest that one “chooses” one’s sexual orientation), there’s a different starting point. Gay men and women are created as such by God.  Same-sex attraction is part of the gay person’s very being, in the same way that opposite-sex attraction is in the genes of straight people.

Supporting the rights of gay men and women to form socially-recognized unions, allowing them the same rights and privileges of all heterosexuals, is the only logical and reasonable conclusion one can arrive at if one “starts at the very beginning” of who gay men and women are.  As persons created by God, is not their lived experience just as valid as their straight brothers and sisters?  As persons created in God’s image and likeness, isn’t it possible that their hopes and dreams, desires and longings, might have something to say to all of us about God’s hopes and dreams, desires and longings for His people?

The strugle of gay and lesbian people to have their legitmate relationships fully-recognized by society (and, hopefully one day, by the Church) is a struggle to ensure that the full humanity of all God’s children is recognized and supported. The only way this will be achieved is when straight men and women are able to step back and recognize that their gay brothers and sisters don’t experience human relationships and interactions in exactly the same way, that for them there is a different starting point, a different beginning. This beginning is not of human creation or will, but is part of the “givenness” of all of us, reflecting the beautiful diversity within humanity that is part of the divine plan.  I pray that Mr. Brown and those who currently share his perspective will come to realize that their gay brothers and sisters have a lived experience that may be different, but that is no less worthy of equal respect and rights within society. 

And, as Maria von Trapp would say, starting at the very beginning is indeed “a very good place to start.”

"There is something radically wrong …"

“…with the institutional Catholic Church.”

That sentiment, expressed by Fr. Thomas Doyle in a National Catholic Reporter commentary on the recent report about decades-long abuse of children by clergy, brothers and sisters in Catholic-run institutions in Ireland, is nothing new to many of us who have lived both inside and outside the walls of clerical life.

While U.S. Bishops spend their pastoral energies condemning Notre Dame University for inviting the President of the United States to speak at its commencement, or organizing letter-writing campaigns to lobby against the recognition of the right to marry civilly for same-sex couples, the Church — the People of God — continue to be ignored and ill-treated.

Where I attend Mass regularly, there’s a man who offers a frequent prayer when the community is invited to voice its own “Prayers of the Faithful.” Today especially, I make his prayer for “new and enlightened leadership in the Church” my own.

Bishops Spend $$ to Promote Exclusion and Bigotry

Although I decided some time ago which of the two presidential candidates would receive my vote on November 4, I’ve made another decision today.

It appears that the Catholic Bishops of the United States, through the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, have given $200,000 to support efforts in California seeking to overturn the right of gay men and women in that state to marry (see “Catholic bishops give $200K to ban gay marriage“).

Though I’ll never be a “person of means,” I am making the personal commitment today not to provide financial support directly to any diocesan or parish effort – at least for the forseeable future. Instead, I will donate any funds that I would otherwise have contributed to an “official” Catholic diocese or parish to one that recognizes that all Catholics, including those whom God chose to create gay and lesbian, deserve their full rights as Catholics and as Americans.